[MSQ Progress: Stormblood / Level 60]
A deep sigh echoes in my room.
With all the places we have visited, the people we have met, the hardships we have shared, and the victories we have achieved, there are bound to be memories that fade with time. But as a good friend once said:
“There may come a day when you forget the faces and voices of those you have met along the way. When that day comes, remember that no matter how far your journey may take you, you stand where you stand by virtue of the road you walked to get there.”
My friend is wiser than he believes himself to be, and his words have always stayed with me. Today, while indexing the ledgers and reports of our journey on a rare, rainy day here in Ul’dah, I uncovered an entry that I had never read—and never thought I would read. It was written in a messy scrawl by none other than my dear friend, Donezo.
The entry chronicles a moment on our journey where I was… not doing too well. I am adding this specific ledger to the public index strictly for completion’s sake. Though I loathe to share it, it remains an undeniable part of the road I walked to get here.
I don’t know…
Though I have no love for writing these ‘ledgers’ and ‘reports’ that Aki wants me to write so often, I can’t shake the feeling that this time, I should. Not because she, or anyone else, forced me. No, I feel like I have to.
For weeks, I have feared this moment would come. For weeks, I have tried to tell Aki to stay with Y’shtola in Gyr Abania. But even my threats of staying there myself did not shake her conviction. I could not let her sail back home alone, let alone let her walk into the worst place she could go to: The Ruby Sea.
Thinking back, I still feel that I should have tried harder to keep her in Eorzea. She didn’t deserve this. If you knew her as well as I do, you would feel the same.
But I’m rambling on. Hells, I am not one to write emotional debriefs, so feed me to the sharks in the Ruby Sea if you must.
7 weeks before the Ruby Sea
Not long after Zenos had attacked Rhalgr’s Reach in a surprise assault, we gathered around the war table in Castrum Oriens, while Raubahn left some soldiers behind to monitor for any other Garlean movements.
As we were discussing how to deal with a foe of Zenos’s strength, Aki suggested taking the fight to Doma. Nobody noticed it, but her voice carried the subtlest hint of fear deep within it. I believe she knew full well what she had just suggested, and it made a shiver run through my body. Alphinaud eagerly agreed and called it “divide and conquer.” A fitting name for a mission that I, for the first time, genuinely did not want to be a part of. Nor did I want Aki to go either.
As we wrapped up and Aki, Ysera, and I were alone, I stopped Aki. I asked her plainly if she actually knew what she was doing. In a rare sight, I even came close to pleading with her not to go. Meanwhile, Ysera was unaware of what was going on and kept her silence. Later that evening, I gave Ysera the short version. She understood the possible impact instantly.
For the next week, as we tried to convince a captain in Limsa to take us to Kugane, I kept bothering Aki to stay here with Y’shtola and Urianger, but she didn’t listen. I just couldn’t get through that stubbornly thick head of hers.
6 weeks before the Ruby Sea
Once we set sail, Aki was uncharacteristically silent. Whenever I tried talking to her, she was lost in thought, looking at the horizon, reading one of her books, or staring at a wall. Ysera and I decided to keep a watchful eye from a distance. Even when the ship was pulled off course and we had to fight our way out, we could count on her healing, but she hardly said a word.
After finding our way back to open seas and continuing our voyage to Kugane, Aki seemed somewhat more relaxed. The fighting must have released some of her anxiety, but it was still apparent that she was not feeling well. Or at least to us.
1 week before the Ruby Sea
As we docked at Pier 2 in Kugane, I noticed the city had not changed much in the years since we left. Right now, I wish I could say the same for Aki and me. I remember looking at Aki, seeing a hint of melancholy in a gentle smile, but the sight of a Garlean representative quickly snuffed out that moment of peace.
I told Aki to leave the politics to the Scions. Tataru and Alphinaud are there to handle the talking. But as we walked toward the Shiokaze Hostelry, we walked straight into the man who used to dock my pay for sleeping on the cargo crates many years ago: Hancock. I quickly ducked behind Ysera, hoping he didn’t see or recognise me. I was stressed enough about Aki; I didn’t want to deal with him on top of that.
Hancock told the Scions the history of Kugane that Aki and I are all too familiar with. When he saw Aki, he asked her if she was the famed “Slayer of gods… Rider of Dragons… Saviour of Ishgard,” and he invited us to the company office.
I told Ysera to go with Aki, and that it would be too difficult for me to join. Later, we joined back up, and we all spent some time securing a trip across the Ruby Sea to the coast of Doma.
Strangely enough, once we arrived at the Ruby Price docks, Aki seemed calm. Strangely calm. We had to convince the Confederacy to help us open a path to Doma, but that is a story for another time.
It is safe to say that all the busywork happening around the area took Aki’s mind off the inevitable moment that was coming.
The East Othard Coastline - The Snap
It wasn’t until one late afternoon that Aki disappeared. We were resting in Onokoro, the Confederacy’s main base of operations. Ysera and I frantically searched for her, quickly moving our search west to the shoreline where one could look out over the water and onto the eastern Othard coast.
We made a desperate dash the second we saw her sitting on her knees in the sand, exactly where we expected to find her. As I looked out over the water, I saw the dreaded coastline where she lost everything so many years ago. Even though I had never seen the place myself, her retelling long ago had painted a vivid image in my mind.
Aki was desperately grasping for air, and the sand beneath her was drenched with her tears. Beneath the heavy, jagged breaths, I could hear her call out for her parents. Something inside me stung, as I was suddenly reminded of my disposition toward my own parents. I felt a heavy guilt creeping into my mind.
It all happened so fast, and before we could even think about trying to calm her down, the sounds of Aki’s desperate cries stopped, and a thud echoed in the air as she collapsed into the sand.
In a weak moment on my part, I panicked and could only think of one place to go. Ysera scooped Aki up in her arms, and we returned to Kugane immediately.
The Eternal Wound
Returning to Kugane’s aetheryte plaza, I rushed ahead of Ysera straight to the Suzume store in the Rakuza District. I banged heavily on the door, shouting to see if anyone was home.
The door opened slightly, and the familiar faces of Aki’s foster parents looked down at me, then looked past me to the towering Viera carrying their daughter. The door flew open. They guided Ysera inside and rushed straight up to Aki’s room—a room they had left exactly as it was when we departed for Thavnair so long ago.
The sight of Kaede and Unzan dropping everything to care for their daughter, gently tucking her into her old bed, made for a painful reminder of a warmth I would never feel from my own blood. If it wasn’t for Ysera’s words as we waited out in the hallway, I might have broken down right there as well.
“Don’t worry, my little friend,” she said softly. “Aki is strong. She will be fine when she wakes up. And you will be fine too. You’ve got me to hang around with, don’t you?”
Those words made me realise I had a new family now. We all carry wounds from our past, and we will carry those into the future. But at least we won’t have to carry them alone.
We promised each other to keep this from the Scions. They didn’t have to know, so long as it didn’t interfere with the mission to get the Resistance in Doma up and running.
But it seems Aki is waking up, so I had better finish this before she sees.
I had better hide it well between her work so she won’t find it.
Donezo…
(A tear falls on the paper.)
There is no way I will ever be able to repay you, nor Ysera, for what you did back then. If it wasn’t for my own chosen family, I might never have become who I am today. Who knows what would have become of the Doman Resistance without me, had I completely broken down.
It was through the support of Donezo and Ysera that I managed to pull through in the end, and we freed Doma of its oppressors.
“You stand where you stand by virtue of the road you walked to get there.”
A good quote, but it is a shame that it doesn’t quite do justice to those who helped along the way.
— Akiudo Suzume